CDRE 1 | Personal Growth

 

To unleash our true potential as leaders, we have to look inward and se the opportunity for transformation that’s there. We have to dig deep to fly high. To explore this intriguing world of authentic leadership and personal growth, Jeramie Worley is joined by Haley LoBosco, a seasoned mindset coach and business consultant. They talk about vulnerability, effective communication, and self-awareness in fostering meaningful connections. Uncover the power of embracing uncertainty, overcoming fears, and cultivating a growth mindset to thrive both personally and professionally. From discussing the importance of letting go of the need for control to the impact of sharing vulnerabilities in leadership, this conversation is a deep dive into the art of transformational leadership. Discover the secrets of exceptional leadership and get inspired to unleash your full potential. Tune in now and embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery and development. Get ready to elevate your leadership skills, enhance your relationships, and create a positive impact on those around you.

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Dig Deep To Fly High With Haley LoBosco

When the problem isn’t the problem, you need somebody like Haley in your life. Her completely holistic approach to guiding entrepreneurs on a success journey often takes them into a very risky and personal conversation, but she does so with grace, tact, and a level of care that I rarely see in business coaches. Most want to get right to the business of the business, but Haley is very different. She can with firm and caring encouragement get you or your admin staff to a place where they can become a force multiplier for a business owner. We got a chance to talk about her most common observations on how to dig deep in order to fly high.

Conventions are usually scary for me as an introvert. The Las Vegas EXPCON was very big. There were lots of show horses being paraded around. I did meet Cari there. That’s how we met, through Cari. That was great to make that personal connection and there were a few others, but in this one, there are been many more people. There’s so much more chill here.

Here’s the thing, I see a lot of these people every week, but I’ve never met them in person. It’s such a cool experience. To be fully present with someone, connect with them, and see them in action are amazing. I love it.

You do coaching on Zoom. How do you make those personal connections over Zoom? Are you able to? Do you feel like you are?

I feel like I am. Typically, a coaching client starts out wanting coaching or training around something specific, such as operations, hiring someone, mindset, lead generation, and a variety of different things. Sometimes it’s focused on helping them level up their business. Their intention is to come in and either train or do some coaching to help them level up their life and business. It’s important for me to set the expectation with any coaching client that your business is a direct reflection of you as a person.

 

CDRE 1 | Personal Growth

 

How much are you willing to grow yourself in order to grow your business? We have to look at a holistic approach first. We have to look at you and what are you attaching yourself to as far as your limiting beliefs go because that’s what’s holding you back. We have to identify those to help have a breakthrough so that we can create an organizational structure and the life that you want for your business and for your personal life. We have to shine a light on those things. I hope that I can create space. I feel like I do, where people can come in. They’re not being judged and they can be authentically themselves and they are seen, heard, and able to talk about things that they haven’t been able to share before.

It hasn’t been safe for them to do that. You maybe make people feel real safe.

They’re given the permission that they need.

Why do you think we need permission to let go and be ourselves in front of somebody?

That would be a whole day-long conversation. I do believe that all of us, our behavior is conditioned based on our life experiences. What our mom, dad, family, friends, teachers, or church wants from us. We are naturally tribal people. We want to fit in and we learn very early on what to do to fit in and to feel accepted.

In fact, we have to contribute in order to fit in because that’s the tribe. If we’re not contributing, the tribe doesn’t succeed. People look at us like, “Why are you not contributing?”

In order to not feel left out, we will go out of our way to show up the way that we think everyone else wants us to show up instead of being our authentic selves with our own gifts and talents. We don’t give ourselves permission to be ourselves. That’s what leads to burnout. It’s what leads to doubt, guilt, and Imposter syndrome because you’re not leading from your heart. You’re leading from the mind because you want to fit in.

You unpacked seven different conversations out of your backpack right there. This is you. I knew this is what this would be like. We could have eight of these. We could do a series. Let me back up a little bit. I always like to talk about the way we met. We met through a mutual friend and business acquaintance Cari Briner. You showed up with her. What were you doing for her to begin with?

She had hired me to help her with her operations. She said, “I need operation support.” I said, “I’m not sure if I want to continue to do that.” Here’s the thing. I was very transparent with her from the beginning. I’m letting her know that I wasn’t sure I wanted to do executive assistant support and operation support. She was supportive of that. She was like, “Absolutely. Let’s get you out of this role as soon as possible.”

It is odd because you were good at it.

Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have to do it.

I know, but it was my first impression of you. It’s how I pigeonholed you in the world. I was like, “Here’s this kick butt admin person that’s running Cari’s business and is very impressive right out of the gate.” My first impressions of you are very intelligent, detailed, and present. Your emotional awareness is very high. I noticed that about you and that’s very rare with people. I started liking some of your stuff and watching some of your marketing that you put out there and it was super quality, nourishing, and deeper than what I think most people go and where they post.

Not that it’s bad. It was more risky. I don’t think people are as courageous as you are with some of your stuff. That’s the thing. I think you hit people right in the gut with your stuff without your ability and courage to post the things that matter to you. Whether you’ve experienced it or witnessed someone who’s experienced it, you’re putting it out there in a way that people connect with that is necessary. I’ve always found you to be a kindred spirit in that regard.

That’s very kind of you. Here’s the thing about that. I have been on the journey of needing to give myself permission to be myself because my background came from perfectionism. Perfectionism was my trauma response.

You were a perfectionist?

I was a perfectionist I felt like by being a certain way and showing up a certain way, I would receive the love that I was neglected in my life. For me, it was a trauma response. If I wasn’t showing up this way that I believed was perfect, I wasn’t enough and I wouldn’t be loved. We all know that there’s no such thing as that.

What a tough way to grow up or get through life.

Many people suffer through this. I don’t even think we realize that it’s a way of shielding ourselves. I had to give myself permission to no longer need to be perfect. It served me at one point in my life. Don’t get me wrong. I got great grades in high school, in college, and I was dying on the inside. On the inside no matter what I did, it was never enough. I’m a high achiever. High achievers don’t need to be perfectionists.

I had to give myself permission to finally let go of the identity that I had created for myself. My identity wasn’t the identity that came from God, my gifts, or from the universe, whatever you believe. My identity was formed because I thought that’s what my friends, mom, grandma, dad, or church wanted. I was living a life based on what I thought would get me the furthest. I wasn’t being authentically who I was. I had to give myself permission to expand my identity.

What happened? How did you realize that and how did you get liberated from that?

It took a lot of self-reflection. I don’t think that there was any one pivotal moment. I did realize that over time, being self-aware of every time I showed up, feeling in the pit of my stomach intuitively, “This is not me. I hate this, but I’m saying yes to this person, this project, my husband, and my kids because what I truly wanted was to know that I was enough.” I had to say yes to all of the things in my life because if I said, “No, I wasn’t enough and if I’m not enough, I won’t be loved.”

I had to recognize the pattern that I had and say, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” It’s painful. It’s a daily practice. I don’t think that there’s ever any true arrival. I think it’s a daily choice to call yourself out and say like, “Am I living purposefully? Am I living with intention? Am I doing what I’m meant to be doing today?”

 

 

Was there a serendipitous moment, an evening under the stars, or a rollercoaster you went on? Was there something that happened and you were like, “I’m going to live differently,” because usually a decision is made to live a different way? When was that decision made? Do you remember?

Without hurting feelings. I get a little nervous about sharing it.

You don’t have to.

It’s fine. The thing is I feel like probably many people have experienced the same thing. I always had a lot of resentment toward my mom. God bless her. I know she’s going to tune into this. We’ve had this conversation. That’s why I feel okay talking about it. I had a lot of resentment toward her because I never felt like I received the love from her that I wanted or needed. I had an expectation of my mom growing up that she should be a certain way. When I had my daughter, I made a choice.

One day, I was at home and I was a stay-at-home mom for seven years, and I remember someone telling me like, “If you want to be the best version of yourself, if you want to be the best mom that you can be, you can only do that if you forgive your mom.” I already felt like I had forgiven her. She loved me the best that she could, but here I am saying, “I want more from you.” I had to forgive her for that.

I met with a coach and she said, “You’ve forgiven your mom but have you forgiven yourself?” I was like, “What do you mean? Why would I forgive myself? I haven’t done anything.” She said, “Forgiving yourself for having expectations of not only your mom but other people in your life to be different than what they are. Who are you to tell someone that they should be more in this world than what God created them to be? Who are you to do that? How do you know that they’re not living exactly how they need to live because they need to learn a lesson or they’re going to impact somebody else? Here you are saying, ‘I had this expectation of you to show up this way.’” It was a mind-blowing experience.

A good friend of mine grew up with an alcoholic father and a guy who wasn’t maybe present emotionally but was more of a buddy than a dad. He’d go to the bars and get drunk. My buddy would’ve to come along with him and drive him home at fourteen. He’s 1 of the 5 guys you want on your end-of-the-world team or your zombie apocalypse scene. He literally fixes anything, builds anything, and shoots any gun. He’s the total mountain man. He’s that way because of his dad. He’s proud of who he is. His only regret is that he wanted more of that special time that he missed out on with his dad. There’s no way his dad could give it to him because of whatever it was that his dad hadn’t dealt with in his life.

The older I get, the more I let go of those expectations of the way upbringing should be and try to at least focus on the things that you do have. My dad worked shift work. He worked the third shift two weeks out of the month. Half of the month, we never saw him because we were coming home from school and he was gone. Everybody had to be quiet because he was home sleeping. It was one of those things where we didn’t see him often. His thing was always quality time.

Quality time has become 1 of my 5 love languages. It’s the one that I dearly need the most. Humankind is now starting to wake up to the fact that our childhoods need to be released if we’re going to be effective adults. It’s good of you to coach that way and to help liberate people one by one. Cari did some coaching with you. She raved over you and the way that you’re coaching. I knew that it would be because it was fascinating to me. You showed up in this operations role, but then one day we were talking about DISC profiles and stuff. You’re a D and I.

I’m a DI.

I am too. As a DI, I am looking at you thinking, “She’s not acting like one of us. She’s acting like a CS. She’s acting like an admin. How can you do that?” Somebody said to me one time as I was growing my business, “You shouldn’t be doing both. You shouldn’t be the visionary and the operations person of your business,” but I had no choice. I can act in that way, not to the capacity that you could. There’s no way I could be an operations person, but it requires so much of my energy and my brain. Is it the same for you or is it natural for you to do work on both sides of your brain?

Honestly, it’s been natural for me because when I work on other people’s businesses, I feel like I bore into it. It’s very easy for me to be the executor. I can identify the holes in the gaps in the business and in your life. A lot of times, we need someone else to show up and be like, “If this is what your business is looking like, how are you as a person? What’s going on with you that we got here?” We have to solve all of the pieces of the puzzle because you’re a reflection of your business. We have to shine a light on those and then we can go in and say, “Structurally, here’s what we could be doing. Here’s the strategy. I can give you the strategy.”

You're a reflection of your business. Click To Tweet

You’re not going to implement the strategy or follow through with any of the things that we talk about, implementing-wise, if you’re not shining a light on yourself or you’re not willing to take a look at, “What’s motivating me not to do that? What are my biggest limiting beliefs? What are my personal challenges? What is my mindset around this?” We have to ask ourselves that. It’s funny that you mentioned your zombie apocalypse group of people. I joined a powerlifting gym because I desperately am at a place where I want to be mentally fit and personally fit. I want my body to be fit like my mind.

I saw your Facebook post where you were upset because you didn’t want to go. The trainer wasn’t going to be there or something, but you were going anyway. It was courageous and interesting to me that it was such an emotional thing for you.

Being that vulnerable, that’s the post I’d had the most views and comments on. The story is I joined this powerlifting gym. I got a personal trainer and a nutritionist. I want to show up physically and mentally strong.

Why do you want to do that?

Honestly, if there was a zombie apocalypse, I don’t want to be the person that holds everyone back and gets them dead because I can’t swing a sword. That is the number one.

You would run out of bullets so you have to swing the sword. Are you taking any sword training then?

No, but I feel like if I can lift, I have to get strong enough to hold the sword. I don’t know about swinging and we’ll get there later. That’s step two. I had gotten this personal trainer and we’re three weeks in. That’s my accountability. I’m showing up for this person. This is my coach. He’s like, “I’m going out of town.” I was like, “How dare you? You cannot go out of town. It’s my third week. I need you here.” He was like, “I’m going outside.” I was like, “Okay.”

Was that by design on his part?

No. He was like, “I need you to come in on Friday by yourself. I’ll give you the videos. We’re going to use the app. You’re going to know what to do.” I’m like, “I’ll definitely be there.” I’m all pumped up. I’m ready to go on Friday. The day rolls around Friday morning. I’m like, “I’m going to go.” Now it’s 10:00 in the morning, I’m like, “I’m going to go.” Now, it’s 11:00. I’m physically shaking. Tears are streaming down my face. I go into my pantry. I can’t even make this up. I grab a bag of chips like a little kid’s bag of chips. I’m shoveling the chips into my mouth.

What chips were they?

Lays potato chips. I’m shoveling on my kitchen counter. I’m shaking, crying, and eating a bag of chips. I’m like, “I teach lead generation all the time. What do I tell myself? What do I tell the agents? When you feel this paralyzed, get into action.”

You were in action, but wrong action kind of action.

This is the action.

Your instincts are good. You went to action.

I was like, “What do I need to do?” I put the bags of chips down. Tears are still streaming down my face. I grabbed my wallet and keys and I go. I was like, “I have to share this.” It might not be about the gym. It might be a conversation that you’re not having in your life that you have to have because it’s holding you back otherwise. It’s lead generation. It’s starting the business. It’s taking the next step to live your life authentically. Whatever it is, I cannot allow fear to hold me back because I’m terrified of being at the gym by myself. It’s the most irrational thing, but it’s real to me.

Take the next step to live your life authentically. Don’t let fear hold you back. Click To Tweet

Fear is debilitating and I refused to let myself be controlled by the fear. What was happening was I created a story. The story impacted the state of mind that I was in. My state of mind controlled my emotions and my emotions all day. I am a coach. I do coaching, training, and I’m still a human being. I was being controlled by the human condition at that moment. I was like, “I have to share this. I want to be vulnerable.” There are other women out there who feel the same and know that they do and there are men out there that feel the same. Maybe not about powerlifting, but where else in their life do they feel this? I had to share it. I got a lot of positive feedback.

What’s cool about it is how can you truly coach people if you’re not experiencing that. I’m getting spiritual for a minute. My relationship with Jesus is stronger because I realize he lived with these people that we deal with every day. What a brilliant debater he was. What an amazing friend he was. What a compassionate person he was. How smart was he? How well did he know? How well did he study?

He had a job and he is trying to do all this stuff. He is not trying to create the largest ministry in the world. He’s trying to do life face-to-face with people. In a way, that’s what you’re doing. How can you truly help people if you don’t experience things yourself? The fact that you were able to overcome that makes you a qualified person to be able to do it because if you didn’t beat that, no one would pay you to coach them, but you did.

Even though I conquered it at that moment, I still have struggles every day. There’s not ever a true arrival because even when we master something, now it’s, “We mastered this level.” It’s like a video game. You mastered the one level, now we got to go up to the next level. There are going to be harder challenges.

Let’s not forget the big boss at the end. The boss battle. Have you had any boss battles?

I don’t have a boss. I’m my own boss.

A boss battle means the end of the level.

Like Mario Brothers?

The eighth level is the boss battle. You have to beat the boss battle to make it to the next level.

My boss battle was with myself and the gym. The biggest struggle that I face is having conversations with my husband, for example, about business or people who aren’t familiar with entrepreneurship. My husband, God blessed him. We’ve been together for many years. These conversations that we’re having now as me being a business owner are totally different conversations than we had many years ago because our values have changed. The things that we want have changed and need has changed in each other two.

Those conversations are scary. Money conversations are scary anyways. Now I don’t have a salary and it’s much different for him to see inconsistent funds coming in. It’s one thing to say, “I support you.” It’s another thing for him to be like, “How am I going to support you?” It’s not that I need him to financially support me. I need him to emotionally support me. I am making purchases. Coming here was a big investment. I have to be able to have that conversation with him like, “This is how much money that’s in the account and this is an investment.” Why is it an investment?

That’s the thing about entrepreneurship. I love Robert Kiyosaki’s book CASHFLOW Quadrant because he talks about this. A lot of people will be an employee their entire life. They’ll retire, then they become an investor and they blow all their money. It’s because it takes a certain level of skillset to have a job, own a job and a business, and then be an investor. There’s a skillset there as an entrepreneur that you’re learning. I have to spend money in order to increase revenue. For example, the money that you spent and the stage that you spoke on, and all the people that you said that came around you and appreciated you for the wisdom that you shared will probably yield a greater benefit than what you spent on this event.

That needs to be an expectation of yours. Something that I’ve learned about mindset is this whole masculine and feminine. Let’s get into that a little bit because that’s one of my favorite conversations. I’d like to get your take on some of this stuff. Cari and I went to Tony Robbins. We don’t have to get into the modern things of the day with pronouns and stuff. I’m not talking about men and women or gender roles. I’m talking about energy.

Masculine and feminine energy are both required in a relationship in equal parts. It’s not always the guy that has masculine energy and vice versa. That’s okay. It’s just how it is. I’ve recognized how some of these energies are fascinating. If I want to coach somebody and it’s a dude, or if there’s a lot of masculine energy there, I might coach him differently than I would somebody else. Masculine energy, from what Tony Robbins says, grows when it’s challenged. Feminine energy grows when it’s acknowledged. How have you experienced that or used that in your life in relationship coaching?

In my life, even to take it beyond the energy level, being masculine and feminine, I feel like in my opinion is that every single human being has the need to feel significant and loved and to know that what they’re doing is making a contribution, which then grows them spiritually. To help them recognize that, I want to provide a space where someone can feel significant like that they know that they’re showing up and what they’re doing is making a contribution. They’re going to be recognized for that and to know that they have a space to feel loved in a professional way, but to know that they’re loved. They’re enough all of the time. That’s something that I talked about with Cari.

Every single human being has the need to feel significant, to feel loved, and to know that what they're doing is making a contribution. Click To Tweet

Something that resonated with her in our coaching was, “You are enough the moment you showed up. The moment that you walked through the door, you were enough. No matter what you say or do or whatever expectation you have of how the conversation is going to go, you were enough when you walked through the threshold.” It’s a choice to remember that about yourself.

In coaching or in my personal life, I approach every conversation that way. It’s remembering not to be judgmental and that this person that I’m speaking to has needs. It’s identifying, “What are your needs that you’re living by? What are your values? How can we make sure that you are leading based on your values and knowing that you have permission to do that?”

 

 

It’s the deciding part for a lot of people. I’ve been doing a lot of research on the masculine and feminine energy of your brain. The masculine part is the deciding part, and the feminine part is the subconscious part. It makes sense because Cari and I, at the start of our relationship, it’s like, “Let’s go on a vacation. Let’s do this. We’ve got the money. Let’s allocate it for this.” She goes and creates this beautiful vacation and it’s awesome.

If I were to stop and nitpick her and be like, “What airline are we going on?” It would create frustration because I’ve already made the decision. Overthinking is bad because it interrupts the process of manifestation. The subconscious part of our brain is the part that makes things happen. When we overthink things, it’s like a guy needing to shut up and go to work. It’s like, “Make the decision and let the subconscious part of your brain get it done.” I’ll give you an example of this. Have you ever been on a phone call or doing something crazy, you’re on your way home and you don’t know how you got there.

Overthinking is bad because it interrupts the process of manifestation. The subconscious part of our brain is the part that makes things happen. Click To Tweet

Even if you’re not on a phone call, I literally am driving for twenty minutes and I’m like, “How did I get to my house?”

You made the decision to get home then everything else took over. Your subconscious is powerful that it will get you where you need to go without you having to make any further decisions or overthinking it.

Why do we overthink it then or even honestly as human beings, “Why do we go into this human condition of complicating every single thing when we don’t have to do that?”

You mentioned it earlier on and it’s fear. It’s the opposite of faith. When you make a decision, you have faith that you’re going to make it at home. There’s no doubt in your mind that you’re going to make it at home and you make it home. It’s the same with everything else. Once you make that decision to be that person that you want to be, you show up present like you say that we should. It’s a decision to give ourselves permission to be ourselves, then show up and let everything else happen.

How do you as a leader, let go of the need for control? As Tony Robbins says, another human need that we have is the need for control. How do we let go of the need for control and not lead our life or our business in fear of losing that control?

I’m going through the process of learning all this now. I didn’t need much control in my business as growing up because I gave everybody a voice. I told everybody, “Everybody has a voice here, but I’ve got to have the final say because we’re going to be in a situation where somebody has to make the final say. Everybody has to be okay with that because we need to be able to move on.” Everybody’s voice was heard.

One of the things that people have always liked about situations that I’ve led is because I do believe that we’re better together. I do believe that everybody has an opinion and needs to be heard because I’ve been told to shut up plenty of times. I’ve been pointed at and someone was telling me, “Stop talking,” when I was about to give them the piece of information that they needed. I’m like, “You got it. No problem.”

We're better together. Everybody has an opinion and needs to be heard. Click To Tweet

This person is not on your own zombie.

Not at all. Who they would be? That person would be the bait. I think I got caught up in controlling standards and making sure that the standards of the company because the company had my name on it. I was always affirmed. I was proud when people would come up to me and say, “The agents that you train are phenomenal. They’re great.” As my business grew and we had these crazy record years, people would come up to me and be like, “I had an experience with one of your agents that was off-character for your company.” That started to happen. In 2021, we did $256 million. I got more comments that year that I wasn’t running my company well, and I wasn’t.

We were in reaction mode. I had set a ridiculous goal because I knew I had a team that could hit it. They’re animals. I didn’t understand that as a leader, you have to build the infrastructure to make sure that we can hit it. I needed somebody like you in my organization or somebody with those ops skills so that we could get it done. Instead, I put much stress on my team. It created resentment, animosity, and the illusion that I needed control because I was forcefully trying to manage those standards that it was not good. I was trying to lead from a place of emotion and reaction rather than a place of peace and intelligence. I’m learning that the antidote for the control bug is to teach leadership.

 

CDRE 1 | Personal Growth

 

If you teach leadership, you get multiplication because then now there’s a trust factor with people that now know what your standards are, what their standards are, and they can begin to communicate those. Even in parenting, I am now teaching leadership to my kids because I need to. I need the peace of mind to know that if I’m not around them, they’re going to be okay. We get this much time with them and we have to make sure that they turn out to be great humans. We think that our job is parenting. Even in leadership, we think our job is to be a boss or to manage certain standards. Our job is to help that person have some massive breakthrough to where they don’t need you anymore. The true art of leadership is to get to that person where they don’t need you anymore.

I feel the exact same way. I love that you bring parenting into it because if you’re reading and you feel like, “Where can I practice these leadership skills?” Starting at home is the best place. My husband even said to me, “I need you to lead me.” His energy is very much masculine energy. I allow him to be more dominating in that because I came from a background of wanting to be a more submissive wife. Not in a negative way, but to empower him.

When he said to me that he wanted me to lead him, I stepped into a whole new level of leadership. I’m used to leading other people and my children. I’ve never thought about leading my husband in ways that he has not been exposed to like in entrepreneurship, in types of leadership, and conversations that he needs to have in Corporate America. He works in Corporate America, where many of the conversations that I had, he would probably be fired for because it’s not as open-minded. It’s not heart-led or heart-centered. He’s also learning how to communicate more effectively because I have to lead him as well. I’m leading myself. I’m leading him. What a gift.

Is that how you coach people? Let’s talk about your process a little bit. I expect it is. Let’s say somebody, whether they’re a real estate agent, a real estate investor, or an entrepreneur wanted to hire you, walk us through your process and how you would approach helping them with whatever they’ve got.

First of all, we want to identify the holes in the gaps in their business. Typically, people come because they have an intention or an expectation that like, “There’s this huge problem. There’s this rock in my shoe, and we have to remove the rock.” My job as a coach is to help them to discover how did the rock get there because there could be a hole in your shoe that’s making more rocks in. We can remove the rock, but if you still have a hole in your shoe, we need to fix the hole.

I take them through a process of uncovering where all the holes in the gaps and how did they get there. That’s the most important thing. We can’t put a Band-Aid on it. We have to look at the full picture. We have to look at the full Jeremy to know, “How did this even begin?” We then shift to, “What’s your belief around that?”

Are people taken aback by that because they think you’re going to teach them how to go place ads and get more leads or whatever?

People think that there is a switch, pill, or strategy. I can give you strategies to fix all these things. There’s always a strategy. There is not a lack of resources. I don’t care which brokerage you’re in or which business you’re in, there are resources available. The biggest struggle is that the entrepreneur is not resourceful. You have to be hungry to fix yourself in order to fix your business.

 

CDRE 1 | Personal Growth

 

Do you have to fix that on people sometimes?

It’s like, “How did it get to this point?” It’s like, “I lost my motivation. I lost my drive. I’m not hungry anymore.” You’re burned out. We have to figure out what led to that. If you are a car guy and you take your car to a mechanic, we can open up the hood and replace these parts. If you’re going to continue to drive the car the way that you are and you’re not changing the oil and you’re not taking care of it, in another year from now, you’re going to come back with the exact same problems. We have to create lasting change in the person.

Change the way you drive so that you’re not making this crazy, super-hard right turn and knocking your wheels out of a line.

You’re wondering, “Why are my wheels always threaded?” It’s like, “Look what you’re doing.”

Change the driver, not the car.

The ideal client is somebody who is willing to, not that they have to be comfortable doing it. We’re going to lean into uncomfortableness. We’re going to cry, explore, and have hard conversations because there’s a difference between being nice and kind. My job is to be kind to you and to tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. I’m ready to work with people who are willing to take the deep dive to go through the journey and know that when we come out the other side, they’re going to feel better and have a strategy that they’re going to implement because they’ve made a shift. Nothing is broken inside of anybody. It’s that they’re willing to expand their identity and make a shift.

Nothing's broken inside of anybody. It's just that they're willing to expand their identity and they're willing to make a shift. Click To Tweet

I’ve always been a very impatient person. Are you impatient or are you a patient person? You must be patient.

It depends. If it’s with my children, I’m super impatient. If it’s with my husband, I’m like, “I told you to do this ten minutes ago.”

From your professional clients, what would you say?

I’m very patient.

Are you okay being patient or do you force yourself to be patient?

That’s about giving them space. You have to give the person space to come to the a-ha moment on their own. You can’t force that. That’s a magic moment that happens. It’s like a divine moment. You can’t stand for that. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it doesn’t. Every single week when we meet, it’s creating the space. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t happen, it’s going to happen next week. I have full faith that it will happen.

Even for myself, I want some time. I want to have an a-ha immediately for myself. I’ll say like, “What’s triggering me right now?” I have no idea. Why did I break down about the gym? I honestly cannot say why I was having a mental breakdown. It will take me reflecting on that for a while longer to truly understand what was the trigger and can I identify it and then release it? Even for myself, it takes time. That’s the process of surrendering.

 

 

I always realize that I’m a good teacher, but maybe not the best coach because I get impatient with the person hurting. I don’t like to see people hurt. For me, that’s the beauty of being a third party. You are going to look into somebody. I’m more of a surgeon than a coach. After a little bit of conversation, I can be like, “There it is. They don’t know that I see it yet. I’m going to slowly ask questions. I’m going to slowly reach for it. I got it. We’re going to take it out you’re going to look at it for a minute, then we’re going to toss it away.

That’s a very uncomfortable process because I don’t ask permission. Sometimes, I failed miserably at it and it ruined relationships. It’s like, “Stop being this way and start being this way.” Honestly, that’s the way I want people to talk to me, but after talking to Peter Pessetto and a lot of other people, it’s like, “Can I get permission to be direct with you? Do you feel like you have to do that, or do you secretly go in and fix people?”

Sometimes I ask permission, like, “Do I have permission to be honest with you right now? Do I have permission to get real right now?” Sometimes you do have to ask permission, but a lot of my clients have given me permission upfront because they’re willing to make the change. They’re in so much pain. It’s impacting their personal life, their marriage or their relationship with their kids, or their spiritual or their religious relationship. They’re in pain already they come to me and say, “I need to change. I have to change. I’m at a point where if I don’t do something, I’m losing my wife or my husband. This cannot be like this anymore. I hate myself.”

It’s therapy. It’s not even coaching.

I feel like many of us are going through these secret battles and we keep them secret because we have been conditioned to believe that vulnerability is weakness. Vulnerability is strength. As Brené Brown says, “Brave leadership is what is needed in our society.” We have to be brave and have conversations about where we’re struggling because we’re all struggling. Even if we’re all working on our mindset, on our health, or on our leadership skills, we’re still struggling with something.

Vulnerability is strength. Click To Tweet

What you’re talking about is a myth. You’re talking about a world that I hope will exist. It is a world where we can do that, but we don’t because I’ve tried to lead that way many times. As a man and a leader, society doesn’t like it. I have been a leader who has gone through a lot. Nobody likes it. They see blood in the water. They make decisions based on that. No one comes rushing to your aid. No one says, “What’s going on?” They say, “He’s not good enough anymore.” As a man, your spouse can get afraid of your constant figuring things out. When you’re in a season, a ridiculous amount of things are surrounding you, teaching you lessons. You can’t even get over the first 3 lessons and then 7 more of you.

Any spouse in the world will surround, help, and coach you until they get to the point where you need a therapist. You need someone to help you. Seriously, I think therapy would save a lot of marriages because your spouse cannot be your therapist. They can be for a while. They know you probably better than anybody else, but it’s not their job. As a boss, it’s not your job to necessarily be a coach to people. It is why I think I’m glad to know you because I can send somebody like you who I trust, who I think is incredibly skillful, aware and would know what my needs are and know what the other persons are and figure all that out. It takes the pressure off of me and other people.

You’re like this emotional mediator because a lot of times, even like me and my admin, Beth, I had to come up to her. She came up to me and said, “I need to know that we’re okay.” It’s because you acted this way, it created some uncertainty in her. I thought, “I wasn’t even thinking that. What I did is, in fact, I was trying to act the opposite way.”

I told her, “I’m going to tell you now, we’re always okay. It’s either me or something I’m going through. Trust the fact that I will communicate with you if I need to about something.” I always do. We have conversations that aren’t always comfortable, but those uncomfortable conversations give her the freedom to know that when we’re not having uncomfortable conversations and if I’m acting a certain way, everything is okay.

Let’s take a moment to acknowledge the fact that Beth was able to come to you with something that she had a fear or uncertainty about. In many relationships, people don’t say anything because they’re afraid of retaliation. There are a million reasons why they could be afraid, but the fact that you created a space for her to feel comfortable enough to come to you and share an uncertainty that she was having. The second point is that you said to her like, “We’re always okay,” and you acknowledge that, “It’s not you. It might be something that belongs to me. It might be something that I’m going through.” Taking responsibility for that is incredible because it’s very rare that an admin can go to their leader and say, “This happened and I want to talk to you about it.”

That’s maybe the way to the perfect world. Communication might be the way to vulnerability or at least a safe level of vulnerability. Vulnerability is fashionable right now because it is necessary. It’s because we’re on this quest for authenticity now that AI and everything else is coming up. Do you think we’ll ever get there?

It reminds me of how authentic was a very trendy word. I think it still thrives, authentic, and vulnerability. They are trendy words, but it’s also real. Those words stem from somewhere. They are real. There are over six billion people in the world. All of us experienced the same emotions, and yet we deal with them in a secret way. How much different could our world look if we could share with each other what we’re going through?

Stop keeping your secret a secret.

Maybe some of them need to be kept secret but in leadership, you don’t have to share every single thing. I do believe that people want to know, “Where are you failing? What are you failing at right now that you’re willing to share because you know that other leaders are probably going through the same thing or other agents, moms, and dads?” We’re all connected. We forget that we are all energetically connected and our energy gravitates. It’s a vibration that goes to other people. We have to be able to talk about our struggles, especially as a leader.

For that, I recommend masterminds. This is the first year I’ve ever joined a mastermind outside of EXP. EXP has a built-in mastermind structure which has been awesome because I always felt like I’d never had anybody to go to. That’s how I met Cari. I hired her as a coach. I was like, “Coaches are the first thing that you need.” You got to have a coach because you got to pay somebody who has been through what you’re about to go through.

The next thing is mastermind. You pay for these masterminds. You got to pick the right one. There are a lot of bad ones out there. At this last mastermind that I was at in Sarasota, there are times when everybody gets up to speak. They’re on the main stage. This guy took his time to get up on the main stage, not to talk about his business, but his marriage.

I think Cari told me about this and she was impressed.

He knew he would be supported. Whether or not in the moment, it was like, “Let’s talk about this guy’s marriage.” This was unexpected, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Everybody in the room had compassion and afterward, he was supported by many people because they knew what he needed. That’s being vulnerable.

It’s also sharing what you need. What if we were able to communicate with our staff, employees, and teams? What we needed from them, how we want them to communicate with us, and how we want them to lead. We have to be able to share these things. If you could tell somebody, “This is what I need from you. This is how I need you to show up,” it would solve a lot of issues and uncertainty.

Are you uncertain about what’s next for you or do you know what’s next for you?

I’m going to be vulnerable. I don’t always know what’s next. I see the end results and I don’t get caught up in every single stepping stone that’s going to lead me to the mountain. I see the mountain. I know I’m going in the right direction, but I can’t be addicted to my path. I have to know that there are multiple paths to get to the top. There’s some uncertainty there. There’s some fear like, “What if I don’t do the right thing?” If I don’t do the right thing, I’m going to know very quickly that I’m not doing the right thing. Intuitively, I’m going to know this is not the right thing and then I pivot.

Don’t get addicted to your path. There are multiple paths to get to the top. Click To Tweet

Turn the plumbing on. If there’s a leak, you’ll find it fast. You know the mountain you’re headed towards. Do you want to say what it is or not?

Coaching and training is my jam. I love doing those.

Who specifically, just so people know?

Entrepreneurs and real estate agents who are looking to hire admin. If you’ve already hired an admin and you need support with training, coaching, and helping them to own their role then you as a leader, how are you communicating with them?

Maybe even some coaching with the leader and the founder.

Always the founder and the force multiplier together. It’s like a yin and yang. You have to coach both pieces for them to fit together. Coaching both together is great or an entrepreneur. If you’re starting out in real estate and you need to know the foundational skills to start out with, there are many different avenues. Everybody calls them shiny objects. It’s easy to get distracted. If you need help with focusing and understanding, how do you control your focus? That’s something that I am passionate about. What are the top five things you need to be focused on right now in your business?

It’s nice to see you in person. It was a highlight for me because you’ve been a blessing to my family. It’s nice to see you and give you a hug and to know that you’re a real human being. I wish the best for you as you’re tackling the mountain. I hope you have plenty of people to exercise with. If not, who cares? It’s not even a big deal anyway.

Now I’ve gone to the gym by myself. There are a lot of things we can do on our own. We don’t give ourselves enough credit. Confidence comes when we take action. When we learn the process, repeat it over and over again, and become competent in what we’re doing, then we’re building skills and confidence. I’m not confident all the time. People think that I am because I work hard at showing up, taking action, and then learning from everything. I want to learn as much as I can.

If you put a guitar in some people’s hands, they get nervous.

You can make it fun. I’m going to play the guitar and it’s going to sound terrible to you, but for me, we’re going to make it fun.

How do you learn to play the guitar?

I would YouTube it.

You have to learn at some point by playing the guitar.

We could ChatGPT it, “How do you play the guitar?”

Thanks. It’s been great.

Thank you.

Cheers.

 

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About Haley LoBosco

CDRE 1 | Personal GrowthI am a fierce conversationalist who finds fulfillment in empowering my clients to step up and embrace their greatness. I partner with clients who are ready to evolve organizational cultures by enhancing conversational skills that ignite innovation, spark curiosity, invite open collaboration, and solve their toughest challenges.

I am a certified Fierce Inc. Facilitator, Coach and Trainer. I am passionate about helping companies and leaders learn how to implement highly relevant strategies that make lasting changes.